It’s a saying i’ve always believed in. No matter whether it’s something trivial like developing a website and being worried about server requirements, or something major like cancer. I’ve always been one to think the worst case scenarios through thorougly, contemplating and planning every single bad outcome that could happen so i’m prepared, but then pushing all that aside into a folder in my brain and not worrying about it again. As soon as I know i’m “prepared for the worst”, I just go back to living life as normally as I can and concentrating on the positives. A new laptop. A nice bike I want to save up for. A new game that’s coming out. A nice day outside.
Bye bye lymph nodes, never really liked you anyway.
Today was one of those worser situations that we prepared for. I found out a few hours ago that the cancer has spread through my lymphatic system via the lymph nodes in my groin. That’s the area where they took 3 lymph nodes out 2 weeks ago, that i’m still currently bed-bound and recovering from. Of the 3 nodes they took out, 2 were cancerous, which is quite extreme apparently. This is a pretty bad situation, as it means it’s near definite that the cancer has spread through my lymphatic system and blood stream body-wide, so i’m now at a very high risk of having it infect my organs, brain, or other areas.
Tomorrow i’ve got a full-body CT scan to see whether it has already spread to any organs or my brain, and then on September 2nd (tentative) I go in for the big operation. It’s quite a serious procedure, taking 3 hours or so of actual surgery, and requiring a full week in hospital with various tubes draining me and fun stuff like that. It’s also a few months recovery, which will be the extra fun part, as this last one that gave me 2 weeks on the couch has already helped me lose what little sanity I had left (and left permanent ass-dents in mums couch and our own couch). I can’t imagine after 3 months. One thing i’ve already decided to do for entertainment, is not shave or cut my hair, at all, through this entire thing. I already look homeless after a few weeks… my goal is to look like a cave man by the end of it all. Unless they start chemo, then i’ll just look like an egg. A very big egg.
As for how i’m doing: I’m fine. I’m still very positive, and knowing me and how I react to situations like this, i’ll continue to be positive until bad things happen. Surgeries and pain, I can deal with. Lying on a couch, I can deal with. Lots of lots of pain killers, I can most definitely deal with.
Holy crap, I WANT ONE! ($4k brand new, kthxbai)
In all seriousness though, I’m expecting to crash pretty hard when I wake up in hospital with heaps of tubes hanging out of me. Hospitals and me don’t mesh too well. Probably because I don’t have a very good track record of coming out of them breathing. I’m very very particular about my body, and I like it intact… so they idea of tubes and open wounds, cold beds and cold hands, scares the crap out of me.
Until then though it’s about staying happy, staying positive, and staying distracted… so i’m concentrating on my awesome new laptop and how shiny it is, and my latest obsession, the Honda Zoomer (see right). I went for coffee with mum today and sat on one of these at Deus, and was amazed how comfy it was even with my messed up leg. I figure even if i’m all cancerous and messed up from surgery, I can still tear around Newtown on a little military-themed scooter to pick up meds or grab food, and terrorise the old ladies in my surgical gown while i’m at it. I might even get a little sign for the back… “Caution: Cancer on board.”
Callan, what a total bummer of a result. Really impressed with you being so honest and public about what’s happening to you [is that your groin in the photo? If I had luminous blue lymph nodes I'd probably want them out too
] I hope the CT scan results are a bit more encouraging. Managing to be both brutally realistic about the facts AND maintain a positive attitude is a tough gig but seems like you are able to pull it off admirably. Jack
Thanks Jack, and yeah, that’s the scintigram of my lymph nodes. Those blue spots are the ones that got highlighted with the radioactive dye. They took 3 of the 4 pictured out, but 2 were cancerous, so now they all come out (not sure how many are there, I get the impression a dozen or more?)…
Put some pants on,you can’t have photos on the web thing with your thing showing.
Hehe… but I like those scans, they hide all the fat
Re comment from mum: if that photo has “your thing” showing, I think you something more serious than cancer going on i.e. your thing is so small it doesn’t show up in the pic !!
It was cold, I swear.
Hey Callan, I just read your post after getting the news. Life does feature a lot of curve balls doesn’t it? One thing I have learned is no matter what people tell you everything is unpredictable so you can always imagine both the worst and the best. Thinking of you! Amy, Matt & Cam all send their love too.
I am not completely sure how these things play out in the milieu of the social media world but like Jack I admire your dedication to the medium.
Thanks Michael
Callan – We haven’t met, but Paul spoke about you a few times (yeah, yeah… he said good things!) when we were away on a camping trip in the desert last year. Doesn’t sound like times are much fun at the moment, but hope everything goes well with the next lot of treatment. I like your taste in 2 wheel transport – hadn’t seen the Zoomer before, but it certainly redefines scooters! Mind you, there are a few things to salivate over at Deus – they do a great line in restructured bikes.
All the very best, Richard
Thanks Richard
Yeah Deus has some nice bikes, regretfully most look like a toy under guys of my ‘stature’. They just don’t make grown men like they used to.
Hey Callan, hi from San Francisco where after the coldest summer in 40 years the fog seems to have finally gone away. Your writing and attitude to life is quite simply inspiring and I must confess compellingly entertaining! I never quite realised how strong your father’s genes were in you – especially the funny ones. Was it 13 years ago back in 1997 that you spent time volunteering at Inspire when we were based in the old flat above the real estate agent under the flight path on Parramatta Rd? I take it your writings have been inspired by the equally blunt and graphically explicit Mr Michael Ward. Does this mean you will get a trip to Europe as well?? Am including you and the family in my daily prayers and Medicine Buddha mantras. Much love, Jack
PS Love the clean design of your site – now why didn’t we get you to do more work at Inspire??
Hi Jack, Thanks for the comments
Yeah I still remember helping out at Inspire, I went past that old place just the other day with dad and we talked about it.
Not sure about trips to Europe, so far a trip to the bathroom is difficult enough
We are researching various trials in the US and UK at the moment though, but most of them involve them sending drugs here.
As for website, I can’t take credit for this one, I haven’t had energy to design it myself so used a pre-made theme (first one i’ve used in a long time actually). I’m still doing web dev though, for the state government now.