This is just a quick update to bring everyone up to date with what i’m doing, and to explain why there has been no posts.

Last week on Thursday I went in to work for what would be the last time for a few months. I had some loose ends to tie up, some quick code to push out before I left, and some meetings to do hand-over so that they were ready for my absence. It was a good feeling, being back, and also a bit sad because it reminded me how nice it was back before all this happened. I can honestly say that I love my job, so the fact I haven’t been going is a very vivid reminder of how serious this all is.

I need my fix, dammit!

When I got home, i’m welcomed by the wifey saying our net was down. Not unusual. We have a pretty complicated home network, combined with an older router, so it’s not unusual for something to fail and me having to reboot the modem or the media server or something else. Then I saw the modem status screen: “Physical Down: No Line Sync”. Crap. A quick call to iiNet, and it was confirmed… Telstra broke our phone line. Whether they accidentally disconnected it, or changed something, or tripped over a cable… it wasn’t anything that could be fixed immediately, so we had to submit a “Fault” report, and now we play the waiting game. Days, weeks, they’re not sure.

Now, for anyone else, this probably isn’t a big deal. An annoyance, maybe… but not much more than that. For me, it’s pure pain. I live on the net. I spend every woken moment connected somehow, whether it’s via my phone or at my laptop or at my desktop at work. I get my entertainment via the net  thanks to my 3 terabyte media server, streaming media, streaming audio, and i’m a hopeless YouTube addict. I do all my communicating via the net with my various blogs and websites, chat, forums, social networks, etc. I do all my reading via the net on various news sites, aggregated content sites, RSS feeds, etc. Most importantly of all (and the entire reason this particular outage is so bad): I get my escapism from the net. It takes my mind off things, and is a stable home in a turbulent life. No matter how bad my day was, I can jump online and everything is the same as before. My online friends don’t know about me going through this, so they treat me the same as before. My daily sites that I visit keep going as though nothing bad is happening to me. It’s a nice way to just get away from everything, and feel like my life is normal. It has pretty much been the single reason I haven’t lost my sanity yet throughout all this.

So, while a net outage might be trivial for other people… for me, it’s a dangerous dose of reality that I can’t escape, and that I really don’t want to deal with right now.

Thanks Telstra. I’m not even with you guys, yet you manage to negatively impact my life.

In other news (and something a bit more relevant to you lot reading this), here’s the update on what’s happening the the whole cancer thing

I knew there was a brain in there somewhere.

Friday we had the meeting with the surgeon, Dr Spillane, about the full body CT scan results. This has been a particularly scary result to wait for, and something that has had the entire family very distressed over. After the last surgery, and them finding that the cancer has actually spread into my lymphatic system, there is now a very high chance that it will start popping up in various parts of my body. The fact that 2 of the 3 lymph nodes taken out were cancerous, meant that there was also a big chance that it had already spread to other organs and/or my brain. Needless to say, the time between the following full body CT scan and getting the results (a week), had us all crapping ourselves. The good news is: Nothing showed up on the CT scans (outside of the area that we already know is cancerous). The not-so-good news is: The scans only show up tumours over a certain size, and it’s still undeniably possible, even likely, that it will show up in other places eventually.

It’s difficult to decide how to look at this. A clean CT scan result is obviously a tangible positive thing. However, knowing that the cancer I had right now wouldn’t have shown up on a CT scan earlier, due to the size limits, is a scary thought. It’s a reminder that the clean result doesn’t mean there’s nothing there, it just means there’s nothing there that is big enough to show up. It’s more of the way-too-common-lately “We just don’t know”.

The surgeon also explained what the next surgery is about, what exactly they’re going to do, and how big it all is. If you’re queasy about operations, don’t read the rest of this paragraph. They’re basically planning on 2 entry points, both to the left of my groin area. They’re taking a total of around 21 lymph nodes from both those areas. It’s a big procedure, that involves at least a week in hospital on various drains and tubes, and a few months of recovery. He made it quite clear that the previous surgery was “small” in comparison, and that “small” surgery had me stuck in bed for weeks, and still having difficulty walking today, 3 weeks later. I can’t even comprehend how much fun this next one is going to be (and to be honest ,i’m trying not to think about it).

What’s next on the agenda?

Monday I have the usual pre-surgery meetings with the anesthesiologist (try say that 10 times fast!), Tuesday I have meetings with my doctor & an acupuncturist (for muscle relaxation etc), Wednesday I have… something, I forget, and then Thursday morning is the surgery.

I’m also working on a few more big blog posts for this site offline, that I will finish and upload in the next few days. I’m currently online via one of those stupidly expensive wireless 3G cards, so i’ve got to use my access time well.

Lastly, I can’t even think of words to explain how amazing it is, to see the feedback i’m getting on this blog. I honestly created it expecting mum, dad, my bro, and a few friends to read it… maybe a few other family members if dad mentioned it in his usual family-wide emails. The inundation of comments and emails has been absolutely amazing, and has left me speechless. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I try to reply to what I can, but i’m usually replying via the mobile interface, from my phone, so I sometimes miss some. If I haven’t replied to you, sorry.