I know I know, I talked about how much I was going to be updating this blog, and then I up and vanished. To be honest, I never expected how mentally draining all this would be, and i’ve been in a bit of a trance lately, sludging through every day wishing normality would return. I kept looking at the blog, reading the comments, and telling myself to write something new… but I just couldn’t get myself into writing mode.

First, some updates:

I started Interferon treatment, and a few days later had to stop it due to a bad reaction. They think I might be allergic to the Interferon treatment itself, or not, they’re not entirely sure what happened, but it really was NOT fun. Basically what would happen is I would get the injection at the hospital (it takes about 1.5 hours total when you include the IV fluids and flushes etc), and then go home. Within an hour i’d start to get the “typical” side effects. Nausea, depression, sweats, shakes/convulsions, dizziness, etc. The problem was that the next 6 hours pretty much vanishes. According to my in-house nurse (my gorgeous wife) I basically lay on the bed convulsing, sweating, mumbling, and passing in/out of consciousness. I don’t really remember any of it, except that it was hell, sort’ve like waking up from a really REALLY bad nightmare where you don’t remember the details, but you remember it was scary and horrible.

What's this stuff all over my head? I thought cancer made you go bald?

They paused the treatment while they did tests, and problems persisted even after the treatment had stopped. Extremely low blood pressure, random vertigo to the point where i’d nearly fall over or not be able to stand up, and feint moments where I thought I was going to black out. This lasted about a week, so they took more blood tests and everything still looked fine, so they said the line I didn’t think real doctors ever actually said: Take some panadol, get some rest, and if it gets worse call me in the morning.

It’s not been about 1.5 weeks since they stopped the treatment. I still get dizzy when standing up from being seated/laying, but no more nausea or sweating… so it’s slowly getting better. I’ve got another appointment on Monday for more blood tests and a decision on whether to scrap the Interferon treatment completely or give it another go.

Apart from all that, i’ve mostly been doing lots and lots of reading. I bought one of the new Kindle e-Book readers from Amazon and loaded it up with all my favourites, and have been spending a lot of time studying work-related reference books so that when I go back i’m not rusty.

Speaking of work, I never would’ve predicted this but with all this time off, but I actually miss it. Lots. We all consider work such a mundane trudge and can’t wait for the weekends, which makes perfect sense when we’re stuck in the grind for prolonged periods of time… but after all this time stuck in bed, i’m DYING for that “normalness”. There’s a definite aspect of “the grass is always greener” but at the same time I think i’ve just gained a new-found appreciation for how important that daily routine is, and how important work is in providing a yin-yang type balance to our life. Work lets us appreciate our time off, and endless time off makes me appreciate work.

I’ve also been going through a big phase of nostalgia. Listening to the music I grew up with, watching old movies, reading old books, that sort’ve thing. I’m sure I could psychoanalyse it and come up with a deep and meaningful reason as to why i’m so nostalgic, but that reeks of effort. I just miss simpler times, when things were normal, and life was boring.

Lastly, i’ve been asked by Marty Wilson to take part in a book he’s writing about cancer, by answering a bunch of interview questions. It’s very exciting, and definitely putting some pressure on me to get my answers at a state where i’m happy with them. One thing is ranting away on a blog where I own the database, and I can edit/delete things later if I don’t like it. It’s another thing all together to have stuff i’ve written immortalised in hard-copy. Kind’ve scary, really.